Several years ago a friend and I made a pilgrimage to several baseball parks. The pilgrimage involved a Sunday. Since we had no idea where a church might be, being priests, we celebrated the Eucharist in our motel room. The scripture passage was a different version of the same gospel that we heard today in John - the feeding of the multitude.

I shared that day what I continue to feel today, that I often feel inadequate and overwhelmed by what life presents to me. My feelings are similar to that of the disciples who are dumbfounded when Jesus tells them to feed all who have gathered in that deserted area. "I don't have enough resources!" is my usual exclamation. The truth is, I am afraid to fail.

The gospel writer, John, seems to incorporate the temptation stories of Luke and Matthew into this account of the feeding of the multitude. Each temptation begins with "If you are the son of God…" In other words, prove it. The three temptations that follow are the means to prove what Satan has called into doubt.

Whenever I give in to the need to prove that I am a son of God or a daughter of the Lord by something that I am doing I have already accepted the doubt. Fear of failure stops me from seeing. I become the center of the universe. I replace God with me. No wonder I feel overwhelmed!

The actions of the people after they are fed reinforce the point of the gospel writer. Based on the action of Jesus (the sign) they want to place him over them (give him celebrity status). Jesus knows that this is illusory (unreal) and simply slips away. He doesn't condemn the people. He just doesn't participate in their misconception of what it means to be a child of God.

The disciples of Jesus, however, are in turmoil (symbolized by the storm at sea). They are being tossed about in the darkness. Jesus comes to them and, much like he is expelling a demon, commands the wind and sea to be still, and they are. A demon is anything that takes control of us. The disciples can't let go. They are possessed by their need to be liked, looked up to, respected and thought important in order for them to believe that they have now earned the right be called sons of God.

The truth is that nothing we do, no status, success, or achievement, can make us a son or daughter of God. We are a son or daughter of God not because we are worthy but because God is worthy!

I know too well that even as I preach this I am often not living it. My feelings of inadequacy often throw me into turmoil. My need to be successful and not fail roils within me, tossing me about like a boat on waters churned by a storm. My need to be liked - respected - has me cry out in despair that I will never be known well enough to earn recognition - to earn God's acceptance.

All this fear generates paranoia when it is collectively gathered into a nation. It leads political leaders to proclaim that the only way that we as a nation can be safe from terrorists, for example, is by using "pre-emptive strikes" against any nation that we suspect can do harm to us. The truth is our only safety is in God. The only thing that "pre-emptive strikes" do is put us in constant war.

Jesus slips away to see God looking at him. We call this prayer. Beholding God gazing at me is the only way that I know to come to the awareness that I am who I am (a son of God, a daughter of the Lord) because God created me as a son or daughter of God. Nothing can change this reality. When I experience this, I am led to seek forgiveness for my inadequacies and the freedom also to forgive these same inadequacies in you.